riina_by_petriw

Pakistan now faces a bigger threat than ever with the security situation deteriorating faster than Dow Jones. One single element for the fast declining safety condition is “suicide terrorism”. We don’t know who exactly these terrorists are. Media keeps telling us they either belong to the Taliban groups, Lashkar e Tayyaba or the Die Hard 2 fan club. Whichever groups they belong to, I personally believe they can be fixed. How can we fix them exactly? Introduce them to technology! These dudes need something to keep themselves busy with. They are obviously bored. So bored that they are ready to give their lives for just about anything. Anything at all. Even for really trivial stuff like lassi and pulao. Just a few ideas on how to effectively use technology to distract these suicide bombers.…

 

  • Build movie multiplexes in the Northern areas. Play Shahrukh Khan’s bubblegum romance movies. I can assure you these movies will soften the hearts of these terrorists. They wouldn’t kill a fly afterwards forget human beings. A smart idea would be to substitute Coca Cola with Makkah Cola at the popcorn stands. Try to keep the atmosphere as jew-free as possible.

 

  • Perpetually repeat telecast all seasons of “Friends”. It will get the terrorists occupied. Change the name of the characters. Ross can be Rizwan, Chandler can be Cheema, Joey can be Jawad, Monica can be Mehreen, Rachael can be Raheela and Phoebe can be Phauzia.

 

  • Build huge malls in these areas. Open outlets that cater to very specific needs of these people. Designer pagris (with bullet pouches), steel toe peshawri chappals and Junaid Jumshed kurtas (blood stain resistant). Do not under any circumstances open any “gora” outlets!

 

  • Bring Internet to these areas. Help them create facebook accounts. Create customized facebook applications for them. It’s bound to get them addicted to facebook. Some facebook applications that might work are “Which kaafir is this?”, “Osama vs. Obama” and “Best ways to kill yourself!”.

 

  • Provide them with Nintendo Wiis with a good supply of customized war games. The villain should always be Amreeka or Israel. Make sure the player always wins or else he might take his anger out somewhere “else”!

 

  • Get them addicted to the “I Phone”. Give them unlimited access to free I Phone application downloads. This will keep them busy for a long long while….

 

tali

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