Opinions


Michael Jackson might never be forgotten. Nor would Asif Zardari’s “Can I hug you gorgeous Sarah Palin Aunty”! But there are things we grew up with which have gone extinct or are about to go extinct in the very near future. Young kids entering their teens will probably see them in a science museum. It’s time to pay tribute to these gadgets/ technologies/ instruments/ habits/ brands and bid them a well-deserved farewell!

 

Things already “almost” extinct:

 

1. Memorizing phone numbers.35mm-film

2. Not knowing whose calling you

3. Kentucky Fried Chicken (or as we know it as KFC)

4. Using a key to unlock your car.

5. 35mm films for camerassuper%20nintendo

6. Super Nintendo, Sega Mega Drive

7. Dialup internet

8. Floor Model Televisions

9. Joystick!

10. Floppy disks

11. Video Cassette and Players

12. Audio Cassettes and Players

13. A walkman!

14. Wrangler/ Lee JeansVHS-Kassette_01_KMJ

15. Rolling down your car window

16. Writing letters

17. Going to a travel agent to purchase tickets

18. Going to a police station to pay for traffic fines

19. Going to a bank to wire or transfer funds

20. Regretting on missing something your friends saw on TV (Youtube!)

21. Waiting for hours to download a movie

22. Chat rooms (MIRC, YahooChat etc)

23. Polaroid cameras

24. Doing research in a library as opposed to “Googling!”

25. Rewinding tapes and getting angry at someone who didn’t rewind the VHS after watching it

 

Things that shall be extinct in 2-10 years:

 

1. Electric wires (Yes everything will be made wireless)

2. Waiting for your favorite show to actually be ON to watch it (TiVO, ShowBox etc)

3. Searching for Wifi signal to connect to the internetDesktop PC

4. Personal Computers (Desktops)

5. Going to a video store to rent a movie

6. Knowing what a Polaroid is!

7. Cars without parking sensors

8. Paying more for long distance calls from your cell phone as opposed to local calls

9. Being untraceable

10. Sony Ericsson and Motorola cell phones

 

 

 

Things that shall be extinct in 20-40 years:

 

1. Paper moneyl_41d7b55f9bfc86ddb4d9383168bd9c12

2. Gasoline (replaced by alternative fuels)

3. LCDs, LEDs or any kind of physical displays. Images/Videos will be displayed in air.

4. Having neat handwriting

5. School bags with books in them

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bankruptcy

10. Texaco (1987)
Why they failed? Because of poor investment strategies and some very bad lawyers!

9. Pacific Gas and Electric Co. (2001)
Why they failed? Because they put their mouth where their money wasn’t.

8. Thornburg Mortgage (2009)
Why they failed? Sub prime mortgage crises!

7. Chrysler (2009)ChryslerBankruptcy
Why they failed? Europeans made better cars and Japanese made better for cheaper.

6. Conseco (2002)
Why they failed? Poor executive, operational and financial management.

5. Enron (2001)
Why they failed? Accounting scandals, Arthur Anderson, Kenneth Lay, George Bush.

4. General Motors (2009)
Why they failed? 90% of their cars won’t last 1000 miles without sounding like a 100,000 mile car. Their 70s models are still pure gold!

3. Worldcom (2002)
Why they failed? Accounting scandals and frauds.

2. Washington Mutual (2008)
Why they failed? Global financial crises forced people to withdraw all their funds resulting in a serious insolvency issue.

1. Lehman Brother Holdings (2008)
Why they failed? The Global financial crises and the greedy management!

FINANCIAL/LEHMAN

 

freedom1

 

Freedom is something so subjective, yet many people claim to know what it exactly is. They discuss it as if they own freedom. The fact is, in this world, there was never a singular or mutually accepted definition of freedom. If there was a single version of freedom, the world would have been a peaceful place as that version would have been implemented a long time ago. Let’s listen to a fictitious conversation between four people in Liberty Market Lahore discussing freedom. The characters are Rocky (The far-leftist), Hussein (The far-rightist), Chaudhry (The businessman) and Butt (The average Joe).

 

Rocky: Guys freedom is the freedom to do whatever you wanna do. I think we should have casinos, dance clubs, bars.. basically …like..everything in Lahore. Why not you know? Why the hell not? Even marijuana should be legalized. California is about to do so. We should stop thinking stone age and progress towards a tolerant society that provides complete freedom to all kinds of lifestyles! Why should anyone care if I drink a couple of Tequilas with my friends at a bar? Ek to yeh daarhi waalay.. argh…

 

Hussein: Tauba karo kaafir. Pakistan was found in the name of religion. People like Rocky will never understand the value of true freedom. True freedom means implementing Islamic laws that protect our eyes and hands from engaging in any kind of unislamic activities. Thank god they are implementing the Sharia law in Northeast Pakistan. Now watch how that place gets showered with God’s blessings. That’s freedom to you my brother whose imaan has gone astray.

 

Chaudhry: Stop this religion spat guys. Freedom means “free” market enterprise. The freedom to do whatever you wanna do to make quick money. Imposing any kind of religious or judicial laws on how we make money is utter BS. Stop cutting zakaat from my fixed deposits. Stop imposing taxes on rich people like me. The government never puts these taxes to use anyway. It all goes into Zardari’s pocket. Please stop this liberal-conservative drama and talk serious business.

 

Butt: Freedom is whatever way Geo News defines it to be.

The nine best places I have visited so far and the nine places I want to visit before I die. I am not going to include any Holy sites (Haram Mosque, Notre Dam etc to avoid religion-related spats). Why not ten? Because I am lazy. So the nine best places I have seen till date are…

taif

9. Taif (Taif city, Saudi Arabia) A precious stone unexplored by most of the world. Unlike the regular imagery of Saudi Arabia, the city of Taif is surrounded by beautiful mountains and it enjoys an amazing weather through out the year. I have heard that the Saudis are actually making plans to extensively promote Taif as a must-visit destination to the tourists visiting Saudi Arabia.
Last visited: 2001

madinat

8. Madinat Jumeirah (Dubai, United Arab Emirates) – Overlooking the Burj ul Arab and built on traditional Emarati architecture, this place is a must visit for all UAE visitors. Whether you’re in Dubai to have a great Lebanese meal, or to enjoy a well made Bahraini Sheesha, or to enjoy the beautiful ancient Emarati architecture this place is a must visit to all. Don’t forget to try the sheesha at Al Rukn when you visit this place.
Last visited: Frequently

bigbear

7. Big Bear Lake (San Bernardino County, California, USA) – The drive up the 7,000 feet mountain is amazing but what is even more amazing is witnessing a beautiful resort with lakes and skiing facilities right at the top of the mountain. The temperature dips a good 10 degrees by the time you reach the top. This beautiful place is a gem that not many Californians know about. Make sure you don’t drive too fast on the way down, the roads are very slippery.
Last visited: 1999

kunhar

6. Kunhar River (NWFP, Pakistan) – Definitely one of the most beautiful natural scenery can be seen in the Kaghan valley. Kunhar River flows through out this valley and joins the Jhelum river. Unfortunately, the 2006 earthquake and the current political instability in NWFP have made this place not as easily accessible as it used to be. Do visit Green Point while you are here, it has a beautiful guest house surrounded by light green grass and mountains covered by snow.
Last visited: 1997

img_4086

5. The Harbor (Paphos, Cyprus) – I didn’t get to visit Aga Nappa in Cyprus but among the rest of the places in Cyprus, I consider this place to be the most happening and exciting. I strongly recommend renting a quad-bike or a buggy when you visit the place. There’s nothing more fun than exploring the city yourself without any tour guides filling your ears with boring information about the city. Also don’t forget to visit the archelogical site
Last visited: 2008

vegasstrip

4. Vegas Strip (Las Vegas, Nevada, USA) – Even though I didn’t gamble, but I found the sight of crazy drunk people, billions of lights, dancing fountains and the extravagantly built casinos very fascinating. Wonder if this place still gets as crowded in the middle of a recession?
Last visited: 2000

sagradafamilia

3. La Sagrada Familia (Barcelona, Spain) – Since this church is “still” under construction, I would like to include this on my list. Designed by the famous architect, Gaudi, this church has been under construction since the late 1800s and expects completion not before the end of 2030. It is an amazing architectural wonder and I predict it to be in the 7 wonders of the world once complete.
Last visited: 2007

champs_elysees

2. Champs Elysees (Paris, France) – Known as one of the most celebrated streets in the world, Champs Elysees is home to 2kms of world’s best shopping and architecture. It begins at Place de la Concorde in the East and ends at the Arc de Triomphe in the West. Make sure you dress appropriately when you go to this street for a leisurely walk (unless you want to feel the odd one out! ).
Last visited: 2007

rambla

1. Las Ramblas (Barcelona, Spain) – Yes this is the most fun place I have visited. Whether you want to shop, eat, cruise, party, observe history or watch random people trying the craziest of ideas to allure the foreigners, La Rambla is “the” place for you! The street connects Catalunya (another great place for shopping and home to the “original” Zara and Massimo) to the Christopher Columbus monument at the harbor. Just be very careful of pick-pockets!
Last visited: 2007

Now the nine places I want to visit in my lifetime…

9. Niagra Falls (NY, United States)
8. The Prague Castle (Prague, Czech Republic)
7. The Alps (Switzerland)
6. The Blue Mosque (Istanbul, Turkey)
5. Pyramids of Giza (Cairo, Egypt)
4. The Acropolis (Athens, Greece)
3. The Great Wall (China)
2. Christ the Redeemer (Rio de Janeiro, Brazil)
1. The Grand Canal (Venice, Italy)

Whats your favorite place?

As we approach towards the end of the decade, its time we look back at the decade and see how the world has changed. So many things have changed for the worse, but there are some things that have actually improved. Here’s a quick look at what is IN and what is OUT today!

 

OUT: faded jeans to make you look trendy

star-0121_11IN: modified genes to make your kids look like Wendy

 

OUT: Cell phones with colored screen display and polyphonic ring tones

IN: Cell phones that help you pay traffic fines, check email, unlock your car, watch cable television and .. well.. teleport yourself

 

OUT: Low interest home loans

IN: Home loan defaults

 

OUT: Having a good job

IN: Having a job

 

OUT: Sending your buddies jokes and funny videos

IN: Sending your buddies your most “updated and recent” resume

 

OUT: Iraq War, Afghan War

IN: Pakistan War, Iran War, Gaza War

 

OUT: Dunkin Donuts

IN: Krispy Kreme

 

OUT: Army dictatorship in Pakistan

IN: Zardari dictatorship in Pakistan

 

OUT: The Matrix’s NEOneo

IN: The Dark Knight’s Joker

 

OUT: Texas

IN: Chicago

 

OUT: Saeed Anwar

IN: No one

 

OUT: Honeymooning in Paris

IN: Honeymooning in Bhurban

 

OUT: Bomb blasts in Baghdad

IN: Bomb blasts in Islamabad

 

OUT: Shahrukh Khan

IN: Shahrukh Khan (with a six pack)

 

OUT: Ponting’s boys

IN: Dhoni’s boys

 

OUT: Concorde

IN: Airbus A380s

 

OUT: Ferraris

IN: Audi R8saudi_r8

 

OUT: Karishma Kapoor

IN: Kareena Kapoor

 

OUT: Afridi’s batting

IN: Afridi’s bowling

 

OUT: Contact lenses to avoid eye-glasses

IN: Refractive lens surgery to avoid eye-glasses

 

OUT: Atkin’s diet

IN: Gastric surgery

 

OUT: Hassani Mubarak

IN: Hassani Mubarak

 

OUT: Tony Blair and George Bush

IN: Gordon Brown and Barrack Obama

 

OUT: Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan

IN: Rahat Fateh Ali Khan

 

OUT: PTV’s one-sided news

IN: Geo’s one-sided newsFILES-PAKISTAN-POLITICS-COURT-SHARIF

 

OUT: Chaudhry “The Bhai log” Brothers

IN: Sharif “The Police Muqabla Group” Brothers

 

OUT: Jal

IN: Laal

 

OUT: Al Qaeda

IN: Lashkar e Tayyaba

 

OUT: The dot com bubble crash resulting in a recession

IN: The sub-prime loan market crash resulting in a depression

 

OUT: Steve Jobs

IN: Jobs

 

OUT: John Stewart

IN: Steven Colbert

 

OUT: Paying too much for gas

IN: Having no money for cheap gas

 

OUT: Early retirement

IN: Working at McDonald’s post retirement

  queen-elizabeth-in-a-mcdonalds-uniform

 

Add yours too!!

boeing787

Once upon a time there was an airplane full of celebrities, sportsmen and world leaders flying over the Caribbean. One of the engines stopped working and the pilot announced: “Ladies and gentlemen, we are about to fall and crash into the ocean; the chances of survival are 0.5%. Please pray to god that a miracle happens and we all stay alive”. Everyone panicked and started revealing their deepest secrets so they could face God with less embarrassment…this is how it went …

 

Shahid Afridi: I bat with my eyes closed.

Asif Ali Zardari: Yes I killed Murtaza Bhutto.

George Bush: I am mentally disabled.

Donald Rumsfield: I masterminded the World Trade Center attacks

Shahrukh Khan: I hate Aamir Khan because he can act.

Asif Ali Zardari: Yes Bhayo I killed Zia too.

Aamir Khan: I hate Shahrukh because I can act but he takes away all the commercials.

Imran Khan: Imran kay paas kuch chhupaanay ko nahin hay. Imran kisi say nahi darta. Imran sacha banda hay.

Tom Cruise: Scientology is fake!!

Asif Ali Zardari: Yes I have 200 swiss accounts.

Oprah Winfery: I am a witch and I killed everyone who didn’t agree with me.

Nawaz Sharif: I am a takla

Shehbaz Sharif: I am a takla too

Madonna: I am a takli too!!

Asif Ali Zardari: I like Sherry Rehman!

Santa Claus: I do not exist.

Usama Bin Laden: I do not exist.

Abhishek Bachchan: I wouldn’t exist either if Amitabh Bachchan wasn’t my daddy.

Asif Ali Zardari: I was involved in excessive money laundering.

Sachin Tendulkar: I play to make world records. Who cares if we win or lose?

Nicholos Sarkozy: I hate the US

Merkel: I hate the US

Gordon Brown: I hate the US

Obama: Even I hate the US

Asif Ali Zardari: I am the legal guardian of the Surrey Palace!

Baal Thakuray: I hate Pakistan!

Altaf Hussain: I hate Pakistan!

Pervez Musharraf: I am an atheist!

Asif Ali Zardari: Yes I have a billion dollar worth of property in London and Dubai.

Hasni Mubarak: I have ruled Egypt for 500 years and no one ever voted for me but my cow.

Robert Mugabe: I hate everyplace, everything and everyone.

Michael Jackson: I don’t know what the truth is all I know is I am a very very weird person.

Asif Ali Zardari: I kidnapped anyone who rebelled against my authority!

Himesh Reshmiya: I can’t sing!

Muammar Qaddafi: I cross-dress.

Anil Kapoor: The only reason I am famous is because Shahrukh Khan declined Slumdog Millionaire. Shahrukh Khan is my savior!

Asif Ali Zardari: I abused my powers at all political and judicial levels.

Shoaib Akhtar: Abhi zinda hoon to jee lainay do, bhari barsaat may pee lainay do (and starts gulping on a beer)

Sehwag: I too bat with my eyes closed but I am much luckier than Afridi!

Yousuf Raza Gillani: I feel I am invisible. No one ever looks at me or listens to me.

Asif Ali Zardari: I increased my commission to 25% from 10% after I became the president.

Arnold Schwarzenegger: I can’t speak English.

Javed Miandad: I can’t speak Urdu.

Reema: I shouldn’t be speaking any languages.

Donald Trump: My haircut looks like a UFO aircraft.

Hillary Clinton: I hate niggars! And I hate it even more working for one!

Asif Ali Zardari: The University I claim to have attended never existed!

 

The airplane engine started working again and the plane again started flying normally. Everyone looked at each other with mixed feelings of relief and embarrassment. They all realized that they have all done terrible things in their lives. It was time they do something to compensate the world for the grief and sorrow they brought to her. They all tie up Asif Zardari and throw him off the plane. As Zardari was approaching closer to the ground, he screams:

 

Yeh bibi kisnay maari hay, Zardari nay Zardari nay!

asifalizardari372x192

06anger

I was watching Oprah yesterday where she was discussing abusive husbands in her show. It just made me think about how a male in the Pakistani society can get away with so much because of his gender. His abusive nature or poor anger management is ignored (and even admired) by comments like “bahut garam khoon hay”, “Mughlon waala ghussa hay”, “kabhi kabhi paara charh jaata hay” and even “angry young man hay”. The fact is anyone overreacting (by getting verbally or physically abusive) when angry has a problem. The problem needs professional treatment. Again in Pakistani culture seeking professional help for behavioral issues is considered humiliating or embarrassing. So if an “angry young man” is asked to go to an Anger Management therapist, he would decline the offer without giving it a single thought. It’s sad and has to change. But nonetheless it is very important that we educate each other on the cures and most importantly, the symptoms of anger! I have managed to compile this list by filtering some online researches I made. I think the following symptoms are more familiar to our culture.

 

ü       Explosive outbursts resulting in damage of property (bartan torna) or physical attack (kisi ki phainti lagaana ya kisi ko chapaire karaana)waterball_by_wasiolka

ü       Exaggerate hostility to unimportant irritants (Tumhaari problem kya hay ? Khaanay may itna zyada namak kyun daala!!!??)

ü       Rapid and harsh judgments made about others (Ye saara Shumaila ka kiya dhara hay!!!!)

ü       Use of body language such as tense muscles or clenched fist.

ü       Social withdrawal due to anger (Tum log khaana khao, mujhay bhook nahi hay I’m going to bed)

ü       Refusing to following instructions or rules (Nahi karoonga may homework kya karlaingi aap?)

ü       Verbal abusive language is utilized (Uss saalay ki to #%^#$&^&##^)

 

 

I know some of them sound really normal to many but they aren’t. Many of these “normal” reactions evolve into more serious issues later in life.

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