The nine best places I have visited so far and the nine places I want to visit before I die. I am not going to include any Holy sites (Haram Mosque, Notre Dam etc to avoid religion-related spats). Why not ten? Because I am lazy. So the nine best places I have seen till date are…

taif

9. Taif (Taif city, Saudi Arabia) A precious stone unexplored by most of the world. Unlike the regular imagery of Saudi Arabia, the city of Taif is surrounded by beautiful mountains and it enjoys an amazing weather through out the year. I have heard that the Saudis are actually making plans to extensively promote Taif as a must-visit destination to the tourists visiting Saudi Arabia.
Last visited: 2001

madinat

8. Madinat Jumeirah (Dubai, United Arab Emirates) – Overlooking the Burj ul Arab and built on traditional Emarati architecture, this place is a must visit for all UAE visitors. Whether you’re in Dubai to have a great Lebanese meal, or to enjoy a well made Bahraini Sheesha, or to enjoy the beautiful ancient Emarati architecture this place is a must visit to all. Don’t forget to try the sheesha at Al Rukn when you visit this place.
Last visited: Frequently

bigbear

7. Big Bear Lake (San Bernardino County, California, USA) – The drive up the 7,000 feet mountain is amazing but what is even more amazing is witnessing a beautiful resort with lakes and skiing facilities right at the top of the mountain. The temperature dips a good 10 degrees by the time you reach the top. This beautiful place is a gem that not many Californians know about. Make sure you don’t drive too fast on the way down, the roads are very slippery.
Last visited: 1999

kunhar

6. Kunhar River (NWFP, Pakistan) – Definitely one of the most beautiful natural scenery can be seen in the Kaghan valley. Kunhar River flows through out this valley and joins the Jhelum river. Unfortunately, the 2006 earthquake and the current political instability in NWFP have made this place not as easily accessible as it used to be. Do visit Green Point while you are here, it has a beautiful guest house surrounded by light green grass and mountains covered by snow.
Last visited: 1997

img_4086

5. The Harbor (Paphos, Cyprus) – I didn’t get to visit Aga Nappa in Cyprus but among the rest of the places in Cyprus, I consider this place to be the most happening and exciting. I strongly recommend renting a quad-bike or a buggy when you visit the place. There’s nothing more fun than exploring the city yourself without any tour guides filling your ears with boring information about the city. Also don’t forget to visit the archelogical site
Last visited: 2008

vegasstrip

4. Vegas Strip (Las Vegas, Nevada, USA) – Even though I didn’t gamble, but I found the sight of crazy drunk people, billions of lights, dancing fountains and the extravagantly built casinos very fascinating. Wonder if this place still gets as crowded in the middle of a recession?
Last visited: 2000

sagradafamilia

3. La Sagrada Familia (Barcelona, Spain) – Since this church is “still” under construction, I would like to include this on my list. Designed by the famous architect, Gaudi, this church has been under construction since the late 1800s and expects completion not before the end of 2030. It is an amazing architectural wonder and I predict it to be in the 7 wonders of the world once complete.
Last visited: 2007

champs_elysees

2. Champs Elysees (Paris, France) – Known as one of the most celebrated streets in the world, Champs Elysees is home to 2kms of world’s best shopping and architecture. It begins at Place de la Concorde in the East and ends at the Arc de Triomphe in the West. Make sure you dress appropriately when you go to this street for a leisurely walk (unless you want to feel the odd one out! ).
Last visited: 2007

rambla

1. Las Ramblas (Barcelona, Spain) – Yes this is the most fun place I have visited. Whether you want to shop, eat, cruise, party, observe history or watch random people trying the craziest of ideas to allure the foreigners, La Rambla is “the” place for you! The street connects Catalunya (another great place for shopping and home to the “original” Zara and Massimo) to the Christopher Columbus monument at the harbor. Just be very careful of pick-pockets!
Last visited: 2007

Now the nine places I want to visit in my lifetime…

9. Niagra Falls (NY, United States)
8. The Prague Castle (Prague, Czech Republic)
7. The Alps (Switzerland)
6. The Blue Mosque (Istanbul, Turkey)
5. Pyramids of Giza (Cairo, Egypt)
4. The Acropolis (Athens, Greece)
3. The Great Wall (China)
2. Christ the Redeemer (Rio de Janeiro, Brazil)
1. The Grand Canal (Venice, Italy)

Whats your favorite place?

As we approach towards the end of the decade, its time we look back at the decade and see how the world has changed. So many things have changed for the worse, but there are some things that have actually improved. Here’s a quick look at what is IN and what is OUT today!

 

OUT: faded jeans to make you look trendy

star-0121_11IN: modified genes to make your kids look like Wendy

 

OUT: Cell phones with colored screen display and polyphonic ring tones

IN: Cell phones that help you pay traffic fines, check email, unlock your car, watch cable television and .. well.. teleport yourself

 

OUT: Low interest home loans

IN: Home loan defaults

 

OUT: Having a good job

IN: Having a job

 

OUT: Sending your buddies jokes and funny videos

IN: Sending your buddies your most “updated and recent” resume

 

OUT: Iraq War, Afghan War

IN: Pakistan War, Iran War, Gaza War

 

OUT: Dunkin Donuts

IN: Krispy Kreme

 

OUT: Army dictatorship in Pakistan

IN: Zardari dictatorship in Pakistan

 

OUT: The Matrix’s NEOneo

IN: The Dark Knight’s Joker

 

OUT: Texas

IN: Chicago

 

OUT: Saeed Anwar

IN: No one

 

OUT: Honeymooning in Paris

IN: Honeymooning in Bhurban

 

OUT: Bomb blasts in Baghdad

IN: Bomb blasts in Islamabad

 

OUT: Shahrukh Khan

IN: Shahrukh Khan (with a six pack)

 

OUT: Ponting’s boys

IN: Dhoni’s boys

 

OUT: Concorde

IN: Airbus A380s

 

OUT: Ferraris

IN: Audi R8saudi_r8

 

OUT: Karishma Kapoor

IN: Kareena Kapoor

 

OUT: Afridi’s batting

IN: Afridi’s bowling

 

OUT: Contact lenses to avoid eye-glasses

IN: Refractive lens surgery to avoid eye-glasses

 

OUT: Atkin’s diet

IN: Gastric surgery

 

OUT: Hassani Mubarak

IN: Hassani Mubarak

 

OUT: Tony Blair and George Bush

IN: Gordon Brown and Barrack Obama

 

OUT: Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan

IN: Rahat Fateh Ali Khan

 

OUT: PTV’s one-sided news

IN: Geo’s one-sided newsFILES-PAKISTAN-POLITICS-COURT-SHARIF

 

OUT: Chaudhry “The Bhai log” Brothers

IN: Sharif “The Police Muqabla Group” Brothers

 

OUT: Jal

IN: Laal

 

OUT: Al Qaeda

IN: Lashkar e Tayyaba

 

OUT: The dot com bubble crash resulting in a recession

IN: The sub-prime loan market crash resulting in a depression

 

OUT: Steve Jobs

IN: Jobs

 

OUT: John Stewart

IN: Steven Colbert

 

OUT: Paying too much for gas

IN: Having no money for cheap gas

 

OUT: Early retirement

IN: Working at McDonald’s post retirement

  queen-elizabeth-in-a-mcdonalds-uniform

 

Add yours too!!

boeing787

Once upon a time there was an airplane full of celebrities, sportsmen and world leaders flying over the Caribbean. One of the engines stopped working and the pilot announced: “Ladies and gentlemen, we are about to fall and crash into the ocean; the chances of survival are 0.5%. Please pray to god that a miracle happens and we all stay alive”. Everyone panicked and started revealing their deepest secrets so they could face God with less embarrassment…this is how it went …

 

Shahid Afridi: I bat with my eyes closed.

Asif Ali Zardari: Yes I killed Murtaza Bhutto.

George Bush: I am mentally disabled.

Donald Rumsfield: I masterminded the World Trade Center attacks

Shahrukh Khan: I hate Aamir Khan because he can act.

Asif Ali Zardari: Yes Bhayo I killed Zia too.

Aamir Khan: I hate Shahrukh because I can act but he takes away all the commercials.

Imran Khan: Imran kay paas kuch chhupaanay ko nahin hay. Imran kisi say nahi darta. Imran sacha banda hay.

Tom Cruise: Scientology is fake!!

Asif Ali Zardari: Yes I have 200 swiss accounts.

Oprah Winfery: I am a witch and I killed everyone who didn’t agree with me.

Nawaz Sharif: I am a takla

Shehbaz Sharif: I am a takla too

Madonna: I am a takli too!!

Asif Ali Zardari: I like Sherry Rehman!

Santa Claus: I do not exist.

Usama Bin Laden: I do not exist.

Abhishek Bachchan: I wouldn’t exist either if Amitabh Bachchan wasn’t my daddy.

Asif Ali Zardari: I was involved in excessive money laundering.

Sachin Tendulkar: I play to make world records. Who cares if we win or lose?

Nicholos Sarkozy: I hate the US

Merkel: I hate the US

Gordon Brown: I hate the US

Obama: Even I hate the US

Asif Ali Zardari: I am the legal guardian of the Surrey Palace!

Baal Thakuray: I hate Pakistan!

Altaf Hussain: I hate Pakistan!

Pervez Musharraf: I am an atheist!

Asif Ali Zardari: Yes I have a billion dollar worth of property in London and Dubai.

Hasni Mubarak: I have ruled Egypt for 500 years and no one ever voted for me but my cow.

Robert Mugabe: I hate everyplace, everything and everyone.

Michael Jackson: I don’t know what the truth is all I know is I am a very very weird person.

Asif Ali Zardari: I kidnapped anyone who rebelled against my authority!

Himesh Reshmiya: I can’t sing!

Muammar Qaddafi: I cross-dress.

Anil Kapoor: The only reason I am famous is because Shahrukh Khan declined Slumdog Millionaire. Shahrukh Khan is my savior!

Asif Ali Zardari: I abused my powers at all political and judicial levels.

Shoaib Akhtar: Abhi zinda hoon to jee lainay do, bhari barsaat may pee lainay do (and starts gulping on a beer)

Sehwag: I too bat with my eyes closed but I am much luckier than Afridi!

Yousuf Raza Gillani: I feel I am invisible. No one ever looks at me or listens to me.

Asif Ali Zardari: I increased my commission to 25% from 10% after I became the president.

Arnold Schwarzenegger: I can’t speak English.

Javed Miandad: I can’t speak Urdu.

Reema: I shouldn’t be speaking any languages.

Donald Trump: My haircut looks like a UFO aircraft.

Hillary Clinton: I hate niggars! And I hate it even more working for one!

Asif Ali Zardari: The University I claim to have attended never existed!

 

The airplane engine started working again and the plane again started flying normally. Everyone looked at each other with mixed feelings of relief and embarrassment. They all realized that they have all done terrible things in their lives. It was time they do something to compensate the world for the grief and sorrow they brought to her. They all tie up Asif Zardari and throw him off the plane. As Zardari was approaching closer to the ground, he screams:

 

Yeh bibi kisnay maari hay, Zardari nay Zardari nay!

asifalizardari372x192

06anger

I was watching Oprah yesterday where she was discussing abusive husbands in her show. It just made me think about how a male in the Pakistani society can get away with so much because of his gender. His abusive nature or poor anger management is ignored (and even admired) by comments like “bahut garam khoon hay”, “Mughlon waala ghussa hay”, “kabhi kabhi paara charh jaata hay” and even “angry young man hay”. The fact is anyone overreacting (by getting verbally or physically abusive) when angry has a problem. The problem needs professional treatment. Again in Pakistani culture seeking professional help for behavioral issues is considered humiliating or embarrassing. So if an “angry young man” is asked to go to an Anger Management therapist, he would decline the offer without giving it a single thought. It’s sad and has to change. But nonetheless it is very important that we educate each other on the cures and most importantly, the symptoms of anger! I have managed to compile this list by filtering some online researches I made. I think the following symptoms are more familiar to our culture.

 

ü       Explosive outbursts resulting in damage of property (bartan torna) or physical attack (kisi ki phainti lagaana ya kisi ko chapaire karaana)waterball_by_wasiolka

ü       Exaggerate hostility to unimportant irritants (Tumhaari problem kya hay ? Khaanay may itna zyada namak kyun daala!!!??)

ü       Rapid and harsh judgments made about others (Ye saara Shumaila ka kiya dhara hay!!!!)

ü       Use of body language such as tense muscles or clenched fist.

ü       Social withdrawal due to anger (Tum log khaana khao, mujhay bhook nahi hay I’m going to bed)

ü       Refusing to following instructions or rules (Nahi karoonga may homework kya karlaingi aap?)

ü       Verbal abusive language is utilized (Uss saalay ki to #%^#$&^&##^)

 

 

I know some of them sound really normal to many but they aren’t. Many of these “normal” reactions evolve into more serious issues later in life.

riina_by_petriw

Pakistan now faces a bigger threat than ever with the security situation deteriorating faster than Dow Jones. One single element for the fast declining safety condition is “suicide terrorism”. We don’t know who exactly these terrorists are. Media keeps telling us they either belong to the Taliban groups, Lashkar e Tayyaba or the Die Hard 2 fan club. Whichever groups they belong to, I personally believe they can be fixed. How can we fix them exactly? Introduce them to technology! These dudes need something to keep themselves busy with. They are obviously bored. So bored that they are ready to give their lives for just about anything. Anything at all. Even for really trivial stuff like lassi and pulao. Just a few ideas on how to effectively use technology to distract these suicide bombers.…

 

  • Build movie multiplexes in the Northern areas. Play Shahrukh Khan’s bubblegum romance movies. I can assure you these movies will soften the hearts of these terrorists. They wouldn’t kill a fly afterwards forget human beings. A smart idea would be to substitute Coca Cola with Makkah Cola at the popcorn stands. Try to keep the atmosphere as jew-free as possible.

 

  • Perpetually repeat telecast all seasons of “Friends”. It will get the terrorists occupied. Change the name of the characters. Ross can be Rizwan, Chandler can be Cheema, Joey can be Jawad, Monica can be Mehreen, Rachael can be Raheela and Phoebe can be Phauzia.

 

  • Build huge malls in these areas. Open outlets that cater to very specific needs of these people. Designer pagris (with bullet pouches), steel toe peshawri chappals and Junaid Jumshed kurtas (blood stain resistant). Do not under any circumstances open any “gora” outlets!

 

  • Bring Internet to these areas. Help them create facebook accounts. Create customized facebook applications for them. It’s bound to get them addicted to facebook. Some facebook applications that might work are “Which kaafir is this?”, “Osama vs. Obama” and “Best ways to kill yourself!”.

 

  • Provide them with Nintendo Wiis with a good supply of customized war games. The villain should always be Amreeka or Israel. Make sure the player always wins or else he might take his anger out somewhere “else”!

 

  • Get them addicted to the “I Phone”. Give them unlimited access to free I Phone application downloads. This will keep them busy for a long long while….

 

tali

 

MJ

 

A fictional quiz contest between Imran Khan, Shah Rukh Khan, George W. Bush and Snoop Dogg. The host is Michael Jackson.

 

MJ: Gentlemen are you ready to win 1 million dollars? I will ask you three questions and whoever gets the most answers right, shall win all the money. My first question is…

IK: Oye wait, I was told the host is a guy.

MJ: I am a guy Immi. Do you know any female Michaels?

IK: Hain? But I was told the host is black.

MJ: I am black. You are so adorable.

IK: Oye I don’t participate in contests involving females or whites. So I just wanted to make things clear.

MJ: No problem…

GB: No problem? How can there be no problem when I am here. We should be on orange alert at all times. Scared people vote republican!

MJ: Lovely George, but lets forget the geo-political issues for a little while and move ahead with the quiz shall we?

SRK: How many lifelines do I have?

MJ: No lifelines Shahrukh, whoever presses the buzzer first, will get a chance to answer. If the answer is correct, the person will get 100 points. In the end the person with the highest points wins! Simple as that honey.

SRK: That’s boring. How about a dance sequence at the end of every question? How will we make money?

SD: Money aint a thang King Khan, I got plenty in my Lincoln Continental, meet me after the show, and ill hook you up with some greens.snoop_dogg_smoke

MJ: The first question is….Who is the president of United States? Your options are:

 

A. Barrack Obama

B. George W. Bush

C. Hillary Clinton

D. Tom Cruise

 

(George Bush presses the buzzer first)

 

MJ: Ok so Georgy Porgy, whats the answer?

GB: The answer is A Barrack Obama!

SRK: haha that’s a dumb answer. Barrack isnt even white.

MJ: So George are you sure about your answer?

GB: I will go with SRK’s advice and chose a non-white president. My final answer is Hillary Clinton.

MJ: Sorry the answer is wrong. Anyone else who’d like to answer the question? By the way Bush, Hillary is white.

GB: That’s what you think.

IK: I will go for E.

MJ: There is no option E.

IK: You Americans are nobody to decide what my options are. Pakistan will create its own options. We don’t need a white woman like you dictating us our options.

MJ: AAh so anyone else wants to try?

SRK: The answer is Tom Cruise. He will be ideal for the role of the president. Karde mushkil jeena ishq kameena….

MJ: Do you want to try Snoop?

SD: The answer is Barrack. Black is the new black. Tiger Woods, Oprah all black.. all making billions..where are my zigzags?

MJ: You are right and you get 100 points!!

 

(The crowd cheers)

 

MJ: Ok the next question is .. who was the host of a game show in Slumdog Millionaire? Your options are:

 

A. Bart Simpson

B. Anil Kapoor

C. Regis Phillbin

D. Elvis Presley

 

(George Bush again presses the buzzer first)

 

MJ: Yes George what’s the answer?

GB: I don’t have an answer, I have a question. Which way to the men’s room?

MJ: George George George.. you are in the middle of a gameshow. You cannot press the buzzer and ask for a restroom break. Didn’t your momma potty-train you?

GB: No, and before I go nuclear, show me the restroom.

 

(George Bush walks off the stage)bush_warhuh1

 

MJ: Anyone else wants to try answering this question?

SD: The answer is A, coz the rest are all fictional characters.

MJ: Wrong SD. Anyone else wants to try?

SD: Won’t a brother help a brother (winks)

MJ: I am not your brother Snoop. Not all blacks are brothers.

SRK: I think Elvis kay dil may hay wOhh Dard e Disco jo ussay Slumdog ka host bana sakta hay!!!

MJ: Wrong Shahrukh…You want to try Imran?

IK: Imran try nai karta. Imran mehnat karta hay. Imran practical banda hay. Imran ki waja say Judiciary bihaal huwi. Imran ki waja say aaj Musharraf Cambodia ki jails may hay. I will go with option E again. E for Einstein. E for Elizabeth the 2nd my chachi, E for Ekta Kapoor the women behind all the fasaads in Pakistan.

MJ: E for Extacy…Sorry Immi wrong answer. No one got this right. The answer is Anil Kapoor guys!imran-khan

IK: Bakwaas answer

SRK: Insaaaane!!!

SD: This shit dznt smell rite!

 

MJ: Seems like George isn’t coming back. Let’s move on to our final question. So far Snoop has 100 points while Georgy, Immi and Shahrukh have zero points. My next question is.. wait.. let me give you a very simple question.. hope you all get it right! The question is … What is the capital of France?

 

A. Paris

B. Karachi

C. Cairo

D. Washington D.C.

 

(IK pressed the buzzer first)

 

IK: The answer is E and it is my final answer.

MJ: Immi there is no option E. Please choose between the letters A, B, C and D.

IK: Ok I chose A and B

MJ: Chose just ONE immi?

IK: I protest. I am leaving this game show. It is hosted by American agencies. No wonder the host is a white female. All witches are white females.

MJ: Please don’t call me a witch Imran. A black male cant be a witch.

 

(IK walks off the set, meanwhile SD passes out due to some drug overdose)

 

SRK: I want to give it a try. Kal phir yeh chance ho na ho. Har ghariii badal rahee hay dhoop zindagi…

MJ: Your answer please?

SRK: It is definitely Paris.

MJ: You are RIGHT Shahrukh. How did you know?

SRK: Snoop told me before he passed out.

MJ: Oh that’s cheating SRK!!!

SRK: Oh baby dance pat chance maar lay!!

 

MJ: Well since none of the other candidates are here and Snoop has passed out, I declare you as the winner Shahrukh.

 

SRK: Answer mera hit hit sohniye! Chak de!

 

INDIA-TELEVISION-KAUN BANEGA CROREPATI

 

 

General Motors to declare bankruptcy

 

A liquidation consultant must be making big money nowadays. The biggest bankruptcy in history is on the cards now as Obama yesterday suggested that bankruptcy is the best option for GM now. Two more bankruptcies are expected in the near future from Ford and Chrysler. The inventors of the automobile are about to disappear from the car market. This is big! It’s bigger than the insolvency of Enron and Lehman Brothers. There will be around a million jobs lost immediately with the demise of these companies. The next decade will not see the following automobile brands on the roads.

 

  • Buick
  • Cadillac
  • Chevrolet
  • Daewoo
  • GMC
  • Holden
  • Hummer
  • Opel
  • Pontiac
  • Saab
  • Saturn
  • Vauxhall
  • Wuling
  • Ford
  • Lincoln
  • Mercury
  • Dodge
  • Chrysler

 

It would have been better had these companies learned on time on how to re-design their cars to be more stylish, smaller, spacious, economical and affordable. Every single American car was tapping a niche market. Trucks for Texans and Californians, Mustangs for the baby boomers and muscle car fanatics, Cadillacs for the white and wealthy, Hummers for the black and wealthy. Whatever happened to targeting the “mass market”? Japanese focused on targeting the masses and emerged victorious. The Europeans learned from the Japanese and redesigned and relaunched their cars in smaller, economical and cheaper versions without compromising on the quality. In the meanwhile the Americans just kept guzzling gas. GM has only itself to blame.

 

rip-gm-1908-2009

 

 We will definitely miss the Mustang!