Michael Jackson might never be forgotten. Nor would Asif Zardari’s “Can I hug you gorgeous Sarah Palin Aunty”! But there are things we grew up with which have gone extinct or are about to go extinct in the very near future. Young kids entering their teens will probably see them in a science museum. It’s time to pay tribute to these gadgets/ technologies/ instruments/ habits/ brands and bid them a well-deserved farewell!

 

Things already “almost” extinct:

 

1. Memorizing phone numbers.35mm-film

2. Not knowing whose calling you

3. Kentucky Fried Chicken (or as we know it as KFC)

4. Using a key to unlock your car.

5. 35mm films for camerassuper%20nintendo

6. Super Nintendo, Sega Mega Drive

7. Dialup internet

8. Floor Model Televisions

9. Joystick!

10. Floppy disks

11. Video Cassette and Players

12. Audio Cassettes and Players

13. A walkman!

14. Wrangler/ Lee JeansVHS-Kassette_01_KMJ

15. Rolling down your car window

16. Writing letters

17. Going to a travel agent to purchase tickets

18. Going to a police station to pay for traffic fines

19. Going to a bank to wire or transfer funds

20. Regretting on missing something your friends saw on TV (Youtube!)

21. Waiting for hours to download a movie

22. Chat rooms (MIRC, YahooChat etc)

23. Polaroid cameras

24. Doing research in a library as opposed to “Googling!”

25. Rewinding tapes and getting angry at someone who didn’t rewind the VHS after watching it

 

Things that shall be extinct in 2-10 years:

 

1. Electric wires (Yes everything will be made wireless)

2. Waiting for your favorite show to actually be ON to watch it (TiVO, ShowBox etc)

3. Searching for Wifi signal to connect to the internetDesktop PC

4. Personal Computers (Desktops)

5. Going to a video store to rent a movie

6. Knowing what a Polaroid is!

7. Cars without parking sensors

8. Paying more for long distance calls from your cell phone as opposed to local calls

9. Being untraceable

10. Sony Ericsson and Motorola cell phones

 

 

 

Things that shall be extinct in 20-40 years:

 

1. Paper moneyl_41d7b55f9bfc86ddb4d9383168bd9c12

2. Gasoline (replaced by alternative fuels)

3. LCDs, LEDs or any kind of physical displays. Images/Videos will be displayed in air.

4. Having neat handwriting

5. School bags with books in them

As we approach towards the end of the decade, its time we look back at the decade and see how the world has changed. So many things have changed for the worse, but there are some things that have actually improved. Here’s a quick look at what is IN and what is OUT today!

 

OUT: faded jeans to make you look trendy

star-0121_11IN: modified genes to make your kids look like Wendy

 

OUT: Cell phones with colored screen display and polyphonic ring tones

IN: Cell phones that help you pay traffic fines, check email, unlock your car, watch cable television and .. well.. teleport yourself

 

OUT: Low interest home loans

IN: Home loan defaults

 

OUT: Having a good job

IN: Having a job

 

OUT: Sending your buddies jokes and funny videos

IN: Sending your buddies your most “updated and recent” resume

 

OUT: Iraq War, Afghan War

IN: Pakistan War, Iran War, Gaza War

 

OUT: Dunkin Donuts

IN: Krispy Kreme

 

OUT: Army dictatorship in Pakistan

IN: Zardari dictatorship in Pakistan

 

OUT: The Matrix’s NEOneo

IN: The Dark Knight’s Joker

 

OUT: Texas

IN: Chicago

 

OUT: Saeed Anwar

IN: No one

 

OUT: Honeymooning in Paris

IN: Honeymooning in Bhurban

 

OUT: Bomb blasts in Baghdad

IN: Bomb blasts in Islamabad

 

OUT: Shahrukh Khan

IN: Shahrukh Khan (with a six pack)

 

OUT: Ponting’s boys

IN: Dhoni’s boys

 

OUT: Concorde

IN: Airbus A380s

 

OUT: Ferraris

IN: Audi R8saudi_r8

 

OUT: Karishma Kapoor

IN: Kareena Kapoor

 

OUT: Afridi’s batting

IN: Afridi’s bowling

 

OUT: Contact lenses to avoid eye-glasses

IN: Refractive lens surgery to avoid eye-glasses

 

OUT: Atkin’s diet

IN: Gastric surgery

 

OUT: Hassani Mubarak

IN: Hassani Mubarak

 

OUT: Tony Blair and George Bush

IN: Gordon Brown and Barrack Obama

 

OUT: Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan

IN: Rahat Fateh Ali Khan

 

OUT: PTV’s one-sided news

IN: Geo’s one-sided newsFILES-PAKISTAN-POLITICS-COURT-SHARIF

 

OUT: Chaudhry “The Bhai log” Brothers

IN: Sharif “The Police Muqabla Group” Brothers

 

OUT: Jal

IN: Laal

 

OUT: Al Qaeda

IN: Lashkar e Tayyaba

 

OUT: The dot com bubble crash resulting in a recession

IN: The sub-prime loan market crash resulting in a depression

 

OUT: Steve Jobs

IN: Jobs

 

OUT: John Stewart

IN: Steven Colbert

 

OUT: Paying too much for gas

IN: Having no money for cheap gas

 

OUT: Early retirement

IN: Working at McDonald’s post retirement

  queen-elizabeth-in-a-mcdonalds-uniform

 

Add yours too!!

boeing787

Once upon a time there was an airplane full of celebrities, sportsmen and world leaders flying over the Caribbean. One of the engines stopped working and the pilot announced: “Ladies and gentlemen, we are about to fall and crash into the ocean; the chances of survival are 0.5%. Please pray to god that a miracle happens and we all stay alive”. Everyone panicked and started revealing their deepest secrets so they could face God with less embarrassment…this is how it went …

 

Shahid Afridi: I bat with my eyes closed.

Asif Ali Zardari: Yes I killed Murtaza Bhutto.

George Bush: I am mentally disabled.

Donald Rumsfield: I masterminded the World Trade Center attacks

Shahrukh Khan: I hate Aamir Khan because he can act.

Asif Ali Zardari: Yes Bhayo I killed Zia too.

Aamir Khan: I hate Shahrukh because I can act but he takes away all the commercials.

Imran Khan: Imran kay paas kuch chhupaanay ko nahin hay. Imran kisi say nahi darta. Imran sacha banda hay.

Tom Cruise: Scientology is fake!!

Asif Ali Zardari: Yes I have 200 swiss accounts.

Oprah Winfery: I am a witch and I killed everyone who didn’t agree with me.

Nawaz Sharif: I am a takla

Shehbaz Sharif: I am a takla too

Madonna: I am a takli too!!

Asif Ali Zardari: I like Sherry Rehman!

Santa Claus: I do not exist.

Usama Bin Laden: I do not exist.

Abhishek Bachchan: I wouldn’t exist either if Amitabh Bachchan wasn’t my daddy.

Asif Ali Zardari: I was involved in excessive money laundering.

Sachin Tendulkar: I play to make world records. Who cares if we win or lose?

Nicholos Sarkozy: I hate the US

Merkel: I hate the US

Gordon Brown: I hate the US

Obama: Even I hate the US

Asif Ali Zardari: I am the legal guardian of the Surrey Palace!

Baal Thakuray: I hate Pakistan!

Altaf Hussain: I hate Pakistan!

Pervez Musharraf: I am an atheist!

Asif Ali Zardari: Yes I have a billion dollar worth of property in London and Dubai.

Hasni Mubarak: I have ruled Egypt for 500 years and no one ever voted for me but my cow.

Robert Mugabe: I hate everyplace, everything and everyone.

Michael Jackson: I don’t know what the truth is all I know is I am a very very weird person.

Asif Ali Zardari: I kidnapped anyone who rebelled against my authority!

Himesh Reshmiya: I can’t sing!

Muammar Qaddafi: I cross-dress.

Anil Kapoor: The only reason I am famous is because Shahrukh Khan declined Slumdog Millionaire. Shahrukh Khan is my savior!

Asif Ali Zardari: I abused my powers at all political and judicial levels.

Shoaib Akhtar: Abhi zinda hoon to jee lainay do, bhari barsaat may pee lainay do (and starts gulping on a beer)

Sehwag: I too bat with my eyes closed but I am much luckier than Afridi!

Yousuf Raza Gillani: I feel I am invisible. No one ever looks at me or listens to me.

Asif Ali Zardari: I increased my commission to 25% from 10% after I became the president.

Arnold Schwarzenegger: I can’t speak English.

Javed Miandad: I can’t speak Urdu.

Reema: I shouldn’t be speaking any languages.

Donald Trump: My haircut looks like a UFO aircraft.

Hillary Clinton: I hate niggars! And I hate it even more working for one!

Asif Ali Zardari: The University I claim to have attended never existed!

 

The airplane engine started working again and the plane again started flying normally. Everyone looked at each other with mixed feelings of relief and embarrassment. They all realized that they have all done terrible things in their lives. It was time they do something to compensate the world for the grief and sorrow they brought to her. They all tie up Asif Zardari and throw him off the plane. As Zardari was approaching closer to the ground, he screams:

 

Yeh bibi kisnay maari hay, Zardari nay Zardari nay!

asifalizardari372x192

Not the best month for Pakistan. Political stability “supposedly” improved, financial strength deteriorated and Pakistan is obviously losing its war against terrorism. Not only has it been unable to control the attacks, but rarely is a suspect or a terrorist captured. Being from Lahore, I know how crowded the “Liberty chowk” can get. It amazes me on how a couple of fanatics gunned down numerous policemen and open fired at the Sri Lankan team’s bus without getting caught. It was a big failure for Pakistan’s government but no resignation announcements came. Instead of focusing on throwing the ball in each other’s court; the national, provincial and local governments should have collectively focused on capturing the culprits. Shameful! Let’s have a quick recap of March now.

 

March 3rd – 8 gunmen attack the Sri Lankan cricket team near Liberty Market, sri-lanka-team-attacked-11Lahore. Around a dozen policemen die. Two Sri Lankan players get shot. 250 suspects arrested but none really turned out to be affiliated with the real assailants.

 

March 16th – Pakistan’s president (Gillani? Right?) reinstates the sacked judges including Iftikhar Chaudhry.

 

March 28th – Governor Rule in Lahore comes to an end as per Zardari’s orders.

 

drone_attack_obama_090123_mnMarch 29th – Obama promises that there shall be no more Drone attacks in Pakistan without taking Pakistan’s approval (Pakistan’s approval or Zardari’s consent?)

 

March 30th – Ten terrorists (dressed as policemen) attack the police training centre in Marwan (near Lahore) and kill about a dozen police recruits. One terrorist actually gets caught while 3 blow themselves up to avoid arrest.

 

March 31st – Shehbaz Sharif gets restored as the Chief Minister of Punjab. Pakistan receives USD 840 million from IMF and USD 500 million from World Bank. Zardari takes out his calculator.

 

Lahore stayed in the news mostly for the bad reasons this month. Hope April brings some hope and peace to Pakistan.

 

 

The prestigious Foreign Policy Magazine has released a list of the top 13 biggest losers (in terms of reputation) in the world. Guess who inadvertently made it to the top 5?

 

 

  1. Josef Fritzel
  2. The pope
  3. Bernie Madoff
  4. Chris Dodd
  5. Asif Ali Zardari

 090320_rothkopf1

Yes ours truly, Asif Zardari is there just behind people like Madoff and Fritzel. Actions are being taken against Madoff and Fritzel as they sit behind bars waiting for gruesome punishments. Even Chris Dodd has been media-targeted heavily and might even appear in court very soon to explain the failure and malpractices at AIG. But Zardari, who is as disrespected abroad as he is within the country, enjoys the presidency of a country with a 170 million strong population. Unfair! Pakistanis need a better representative. Someone who has actually gone to a real college and not some “fake” university Zardari’s resume includes. Pakistanis need someone whose criminal record isnt full of hundreds of bullet points highlighting corruptions, murders and power abuses. Pakistanis need someone who actually intends to solve the crises the nation faces today. I hope Zardari’s tenancy contract at the Presidential house expires sooner than expected.

 

Humaari Qaum Bechari ki Pehchaan Zardari?